Ambition is not a Dirty Word

How To Take It Back

Dear Debra: After I spearheaded a major project for our division, my boss singled me out for praise I deserved. I don’t know why I did it—to be humble and nice, I guess—but I “shared” the glory with a coworker I felt sorry for who did barely a fraction of the work. Now, it looks like that co-worker (who has turned out to be manipulative and backstabbing), not me, will be joining my boss at the next inter-departmental briefing on this project. Can I recover from shooting myself in the foot? –Limping, 29.

What do you do when you’ve missed an opportunity and given away your credit? You need to fix that mistake. Here’s how one of my clients—Liz—did it.

How Not to Go AWOL (Absent Without Leisure)

Dear Debra: I get so stressed out planning to leave work for vacation and check in so constantly while I’m gone that by the time I finally unwind, vacation’s almost over, and then of course when I get back to the office I’m snowed under the pileup.  How can I make leaving and returning to the office after vacation less stressful?

Brush Up on Your Note Taking Skills

Excerpt from article by Heather Huhman, Entry Level Careers Examiner at Examiner.com

Even students’ years in school often times don’t prepare them properly for taking notes in the workplace. While it may seem a trivial task, once you miss an important direction or assignment, you’ll realize just how crucial it is.

If you can, record in addition to writing. “Stand out from the intern herd by showing up with a small, digital audio recorder. Say, ‘Do you mind if I tape this while also taking notes? That way, I can be sure not to miss anything and can go back and listen again to anything I didn't absorb the first time. This will save you time training me and get me up to speed 10 times faster!’ Most bosses not only will say yes, but will be impressed that you thought of this and dazzled by your ambition and thoroughness and desire to get it right,” said Dr. Debra Condren, a business psychologist, author and founder of AmbitionIsNotADirtyWord.com.

Click here to read article in its entirety.

Exciting News from Carol Jenkins

We have some exciting news we want to share with you, a member of The Women's Media Center extended family: the WMC has acquired SheSource.org, the online database of over 500 women experts. This makes the WMC the definitive source for women analysts and experts -- and meshes perfectly with our intensive media training program, Progressive Women's Voices.

Click here to read more about WMC and SheSource.org

How to Navigate your Annual Review in This Bleak Economic Enviroment

Dear Debra: My annual review is next week.  Should I negotiate for a raise or just be glad to have a job?

Always negotiate.  What's the worst that happens?  You learn there's a freeze on raises or bonuses, so you negotiate for non-monetary perks: an updated, more prestigious title that adds more cache to your resume; an opportunity to take over as editor of your company's industry newsletter or head up a project you have stars in your eyes for; working one day a week from home to cut out two hours a week of commuting time and cost.

Getting Noticed by a Laisez Fairre Boss

Dear Debra: My boss doesn’t get how much I’m responsible for. He pays lip service, saying few people would be able to pull off all of the things I do and also manage the number of people I do. But he’s never done my job and is clueless about what it really takes. He’s hands off and relies on me to just make it happen. How can I get credit from him and other board members for being a high performer?

Not every boss will give you recognition for your contributions, so it’s up to you to get strategic and credit-savvy.

Staying True To Our Dreams Makes Us The Best Parents We Can Be

Dear Debra: Regarding your prior post, life is not, I repeat, not long. At best you have
about 74 years on this planet. Your children, however, will not be young forever. If you want
them to be around you when you are 74, you may want to invest as much time and energy into
their upbringing as necessary to gain and secure their unconditional love for those years when
you will need them down the stretch. 10 year olds really don't care about your career, or how
much money you make. My wife's mantra, when I was obsessed with my career was this: your
children are only young once.

Jim, you are buying into a socially-sanctioned, common-but-false assumption that
ambitious people face an either/or choice: either we strive to get the education we need and
devote time to create opportunities that move us toward meaningful, challenging work that
pays us well and allows us to make the contribution we were born to make, or we scale
back our dreams—because to do otherwise requires shortchanging our children and being
rotten parents. This is a false choice.

Finding Fulfillment Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Dear Debra: I’m working full-time while finishing an advanced degree. My company is paying for grad school, so taking advantage of that benefit is smart. But I’m spending way less time than I’d like with my ten-year-old. My husband works from home and is happy doing most of the carpooling, play dates, and homework. Working crazy hours is temporary and will benefit us long-term, but still I feel like a shitty mom and wife.

Don’t beat yourself up for not having a perfectly balanced work and home life, all at the same time. Write this down on note cards: Life is long.

Get Unstuck by Recognizing Your Expertise

Dear Debra: I’ve reached the highest level possible at a small company. My well-paying, mid-level marketing job leaves me depressed and uninspired, but I can’t see any other options for someone like me who just lucked into this job and stayed for five years. –29, boring, and stuck

Take off your blinders. Your success is a result of your own talent, hard work, and volition—not luck. I give my clients a simple exercise to remind them of their marketplace value:  Go through your resume and take in the sheer volume of experience and knowledge you’ve accumulated. Then update your resume.  Write down everything you did and learned on the job.  Go through your files to refresh your memory about your educational and professional accomplishments. Record recent wins, awards, raises, formal and informal feedback. Get your successes out and in order.

PROTECT YOUR PASSION IN 2009

It has been said that "the surest way to keep a man in prison is not to let him know he's there."  And the surest way to keep a woman from embracing her pure career ambition is to make her believe she's already done it. 

Don't believe it. 

Heading into 2009, we women still are not advancing in our careers the way we should.  We're not getting the fulfillment we desire or making the money we deserve.  And this time it's not men who are holding us back.  This time, sisters, we're doing it to ourselves, because ambition-for us-is still a dirty word. 

Do you unconsciously buy into our prevailing cultural paradigm, that double standard that says: ambitious men are go-getters, but ambitious women are bitchy, greedy, cold, arrogant females who attract enemies, repel lovers, make rotten mothers, live lonely lives and, in one way or another, miss out on fulfilling lives because of their ambition? 

Are you not advancing in your career as quickly as you'd like?  Are you not making the money you deserve and getting the fulfillment you desire?  Are you afraid of what you might have to sacrifice if you pursue your big goals? 

YOU'RE NOT ALONE.